Week 3.

I finished my third week back on Weight Watchers last Saturday. I need to get into a better routine of updating so I can track my progress. Anyways, I lost 1.4 that week, which I am very happy with. I am learning to be content with ANY weight loss, because every week I'm chipping away at it. I realize now that a year goes by fast. 52 weeks and even if I only lose half a pound each week that adds up to 26 pounds throughout the year! My goal this week is 1.2.

soda free.

On November 16, 2014 I had my last drink of soda.

I grew up not drinking much soda. We never had it in the house, so it was a treat. When I started Weight Watchers in 2013, diet soda was a zero point drink. Great! I could drink all the diet soda I wanted and it wouldn't count against me. So, I did. At first I just drank a can a day, at lunch. Then I started drinking it for lunch and dinner. Some mornings I even woke up and had some while I knit before work. If I didn't have soda for a few hours, I would get bad headaches. I really really loved soda.

Suddenly I realized I didn't want to be addicted to soda anymore. I was going to give it up, and that was that. I set my mind to it. For that reason I was able to push through the 8 days following November 16 of constant headaches and irritation because of no soda. It was pretty bad for a while, but I knew the headaches would end eventually. I now haven't had soda in 18 days! This may seem like a small feat, but for me it is amazing! Almost 3 weeks I have not had one sip. And you know what, I have only missed it three times.

I missed soda a lot when I was stressed out, emotional, angry, and needed something to make me feel better. In the past I would chug a soda when I was feeling that way. However another realization flooded my head: It's not healthy to rely on food to sooth emotional problems. Believing food can solve my emotional problems is the reason I am so heavy today. I want to shatter that belief.

Maybe I'm not totally healed from my food addiction, but cutting soda out of my life when I never thought I could has taken me 5 steps in the right direction.

I need to remember this phrase constantly because it's so true in my life. 

Last week was Thanksgiving so I was nervous to get on the scale Saturday. Total weight loss for the week was 2.2 pounds! I'm ecstatic with that. My weight loss for the two weeks back has been 5 pounds total. I know I won't continue to lose 2.2 pounds or more every week, because that's not healthy and The Biggest Loser is far from reality. But I can lose some weight every week, even if it's just .2 of a pound. My goal is to keep working at it every day so I make it a lifestyle instead of a diet. 

Today will be my first picture! I'm going to have Tim take a picture of me every month so I remember where I came from and how far I have come. What has most tripped me up in the past is only thinking of how far I have to go instead of how far I have come. I want to take one picture a month to remember the work I have done and remind myself I never want to be this unhealthy again. 

Back.

You never imagine you're going to lose weight and then gain it all back. I started Weight Watchers in April 2013 and through the next year or so I had ups and downs but I lost almost 30 pounds. Over the summer things started getting hard and I found myself caring less and less. I sunk into a depression, I'm still not sure if the weight gain was the result of that or the cause. A month ago I completely stopped going to meetings and weighing myself every week. It was a real low. I decided I was going to give weight loss the finger and eat whatever the hell I wanted. And I did.

The first few days of that was great. I got to indulge in foods I hadn't allowed myself to have in a while, and I told myself I wasn't going to feel guilty about it. After a few days, the misery started. I realize now eating 4000+ calories a day is miserable. I felt like crap all the time. All day every day I felt full and bloated and fat. And yet, I kept eating. I was hiding my eating and shoveling food in my mouth like the flashback scenes from The Biggest Loser. It really was a big low. In my head I thought, I am miserable when I try to lose weight because I can't eat what I want. And I'm miserable when I eat what I want, so I will just continue to eat what I want. Either way I'll be miserable.

I'm not sure what made me decide to start back at Weight Watchers. I started to be disgusted with fast food. Some days I had fast food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That was a real turning point because my whole life I have desired and longed for fast food, since we didn't grow up eating much of it at home. For me to be disgusted and not even want a chicken soft taco from Del Taco was major. I knew I needed to go back to Weight Watchers.

I went back last Saturday for the first time in a while. I told them to take my weight as if I was completely starting over. I knew I had gained a lot and I wanted this to be a fresh starting point. My weight was back at where I started in April 2013. It was discouraging, but I knew I had done it to myself. My first week back I lost 2.8, which was really great! This week my goal is 1.6.

I will be honest, losing weight sucks. But being fat and unhealthy and unhappy with your appearance sucks more. I'm reading Galatians now and it's so beautiful. Paul asks the churches in Galatia why they would want to go back to the law when Jesus died so they could live in freedom. It made me think of my struggle with food. I don't believe God wants me to struggle with food addiction. I know he wants me to be free to enjoy food but not worship it.

This is a picture of my first meal back on Weight Watchers. My goal is to take one picture every month to track my progress. I'm very excited to be back. I might be stupid or crazy to start this endeavor during the holidays, but maybe that challenge will make me stronger. We'll see.

I know most women are uncomfortable about weight and saying how much they weigh. I know weight and self-worth is much more than a number. But I'm posting my stats every week to keep me on track.

Starting Weight (November 15, 2014): 216.4
Current Weight: 213.6

mostly about exercise but kind of about a kick in the pants.

About a month ago, I had a serious conversation/whining session with Tim telling him I didn't know why I wasn't consistently losing weight anymore. I think I literally said, "I eat healthy most of the time and I exercise when I can." Well, that's not good enough. The main thing I was missing was intentionally eating healthy and making time for exercise. Healthy eating doesn't just happen, and I'm still at a place where I have to consciously choose a healthy option over an unhealthy one. So eating healthy most of the time isn't good enough for me to keep losing weight. It might be possible to maintain my weight by doing that, but I can't expect to keep losing. 

I also had a problem with exercise. Once I got this job, I basically stopped going to the gym. In Long Beach, the closest gym that I can go to is about 7 miles away. In Orange, my gym was less than 2. Plus, it's not even conveniently on the way to work, it is in the opposite direction. So, because it wasn't easy, I stopped going. Tim and I would take walks when we could and we have started this great habit of walking to Ralph's when we need food, which is maybe a mile round trip. However, I wasn't setting aside time to exercise and I was getting really lazy at it. After this heart to heart with Tim and whining about my weight loss, I realized that it's important to work exercise into my schedule. 

I also needed a good kick in the pants, which Tim is good at providing. He challenged me to stay focused on my eating and work exercise into my schedule, then see if I saw results. Sometimes I whine about my weight loss even though I know I am not doing it right and Tim is good about not letting me get away with that. I decided that I could wake up early on Sundays and go to the gym before church. I could also go to the gym after work on Thursdays and Fridays when I have no other commitments. This was three more times I could go to the gym than I was going before. It would mean I could only sleep in one day a week and I would have less time for knitting after work, but I knew it was worth it. 

I've been doing this routine for about three weeks now and it has been great! It was really hard for me at first. Getting up at 6 AM on a Sunday feels wrong, especially when my husband is still sleeping in our warm bed. However, I felt like I had more energy throughout the day and it made me less likely to blow my eating, knowing that I had already started the day on a positive note. It's also hard coming home from an 8 hour workday on Thursdays/Fridays and heading to the gym. There were a few days where I couldn't find my ipod and I wanted to just quit. Now I have gotten to a place where I just do it, even if I don't want to. There are the occasional weeks where I look forward to Thursday so I can hop on the elliptical and have time to myself to think. But most weeks I don't genuinely WANT to exercise. But I just tell myself that I am committed to this journey and I am going to the gym whether I like it or not. I can tell you honestly even when my heart is completely not in it, I have never gotten off that elliptical early. I always commit to 45 minutes and so far I have done it every time.

This last Sunday I even started doing some weights and my arms are sore today, so something is going right! So anyways, this is kind of a thank you to Tim for motivating me to keep trying. He is always willing to start dinner or go grocery shopping when I have gym time and he encourages me to try my hardest. 

At my last weigh in I lost .6 of a pound. This brings my current weight loss this year to 5.2. I'm happy with it because I have learned a lot this year. My goal is to lose 10 more pounds before New Zealand, which I know I can do if I stay focused. 

"It's a lifestyle, not a diet."

I have heard these words a million times and I even tell them to people who want to lose weight. If you treat it like a diet, you won't keep off the weight long term. You can't change your eating and lose a bunch of weight, then go back to how you were eating and expect you won't gain it all back. You have to change your lifestyle in order to see consistent results that will last.

It's not easy. Changing my lifestyle may very well take my whole life. I'm not sure I can ever not be tempted by cookies and ice cream. And sometimes that fact gets me down, but then I remember how much of my lifestyle I have changed. Saturday Tim and I were too tired to cook dinner so we decided to pick up fast food and watch a movie. I decided to go Flame Broiler (where I know the exact weight watchers points for a bowl) and Tim got In-N-Out. I was commenting to him in the car how ignorant I was about my eating in the past.

When Tim and I were dating, we would go to In-N-Out frequently since it was right across the street from his work and we often hung out late at night (why is In-N-Out the BEST in the middle of the night?!) I would eat a huge burger and fries and drink a regular soda and share a milkshake with him. And I wondered why I was fat. Um, hello? You can't eat In-N-Out on a consistent basis, not exercise, and expect your weight will stay the same. Unless you have an unusually fast metabolism, it's not happening.

I am proud to say that I am no longer ignorant about my eating. When going out to eat, I try to only venture out to places where I can find out the points in a meal. Or, if it's a place I have to guess, I usually give it many more points than it may have, just to be safe. It's not necessarily about the points value, it's more about accountability.

I've been on Weight Watchers about a year and my lifestyle has already changed a lot. I am still tempted by sugar and it's hard for me to stay self controlled at my aunt's Thanksgiving table, but I have come a long way. I imagine in a year from now I will be even further.

some random thoughts about selfies.

My mom has always said that I am photogenic and I think that's probably true, but I have always hated having my picture taken. The only time in my life I can remember enjoying having my picture taken was at my wedding. That day was the only day in my life that I felt beautiful. Until recently. 

Before, I would always imagine myself looking good in photos but when I actually saw the photos I looked terrible, in my opinion. I would have a double chin, a fat face, my clothes wouldn't fit right, my smile would be awkward, I would look like I was trying to seduce the camera (badly), or I looked high (license photo), etc. It made me sad to have high expectations for how I looked in photos and not have them turn out how I wanted. I always blamed my weight, and part of that was warranted, but what I didn't realize was that the real problem was my weight problem was killing my spirit. That was what showed up in pictures. I have seen people heavier than me glow in pictures, because they have a happy spirit. My weight was ruining my spirit, which is what would come across in photos. 

On my wedding day, nothing could crush my spirit. Plus, I think I looked pretty good. Having a professional hairdresser and a fantastic make-up artist help me get ready, it was impossible to look bad. And I loved everything about my dress. But, I digress.

I have been in therapy for over a year trying to learn how to capture the spirit of what I felt about myself on my wedding day and feel that way everyday. Along the road, I joined Weight Watchers and started eating healthier and losing weight. With every pound lost, I felt my spirit soar. I started to think that feeling beautiful everyday was within my grasp. And now, I know that it is. 

I took these pictures last week on a day where I felt beautiful. I felt confident, I felt healthy, I felt good about myself. Selfies are weird and maybe it looks like I'm self-absorbed. That's okay, because it's not true. For someone like me who has battled with hating my body for years, who almost literally destroyed my body because of that hatred, I think taking a selfie is an amazing place to be. It shows the transformation of my spirit. I feel like I have finally reached a place where I look at myself and see beauty, in some way, everyday. When I look at those pictures I think of how far I have come, and if I look hard enough, it's hard to believe it's even me! 

I know I have a long way to go, and I still have a lot of insecurities to deal with, but I can confidently say that this is the happiest I have been with myself and my body in years. 

Progress is slow.

It's hard to be satisfied with slow progress. Losing weight (if you do it in a healthy way) is a slow process, especially if you have a lot to lose. When I started, I had about 77 pounds to lose. So I knew I was in this for the long haul, but that doesn't make it less hard to stay consistent and be satisfied with slow progress. For this reason I find pictures so exciting. I can look at images side by side and compare how I looked then and now. 

Bethany bought me this jacket a while ago, somewhere around 10 months ago. When she first gave it to me, it was tight and I couldn't stretch it over my chest. Over time it became my measure of weight loss. This morning I was able to button it for the first time! Don't let the pictures fool you, it's tight when I button it and I feel more comfortable with it unbuttoned. But just the fact that I now can button it makes me smile because I never imaged when I got it how that would be possible. 

These pictures span 38 weeks in my weight loss journey. I can't say (without looking at charts) how much that has translated to in pounds. In reality the pounds don't matter, it's about how you feel and look. And these pictures say more about my 38 weeks than a number. I will use them to stay encouraged. 

My stats to date: This year through losses and gains I have kept off 4.8 pounds. My goal is still 30. 

inspiration.

I firmly believe it's important to reward yourself along the weight loss journey, and not with food! I repeat: DO NOT make food your reward. It defeats the purpose. So, my reward has been vintage dresses. I just found one that I love, and it's my new inspiration to reach 30 pounds of weight loss. I have 5.6 more pounds to go! Now I just have to pray no one buys it before me.

2014, Week 13

Last weeks gain of 1.4 started off this week on a bad note. I just felt so defeated. How could I gain weight when I had an awesome week? It didn't make sense, and sometimes it doesn't. As I thought about it throughout this week, I realized I was missing the point. Wasn't the point of this journey to find joy in food and eating rather than depression and guilt? Wasn't the point to feel good about my body and not hate the way I look? I said from the beginning, it's not about the numbers. It's really not, as hard as that is to understand sometimes. The truth is, I had a great week last week. Even if my number didn't reflect that, I am still proud of my eating last week. Bottom line, that's what matters. The number will fluctuate, but as long as I have learned a healthy relationship with food, I feel accomplished.

This week I lost .6. It's a small loss, but it has put me back on the upward swing of things. I want to get through this week and lose some more. It's all about chipping away at it slowly. This year through the ups and downs I have kept off 4.2 pounds. I am happy with it, considering I had a week long work trip and the death of my grandma in those weeks. My goal for this year is still 30 pounds and considering I still have about 29 weeks left, I think that is very doable.

I feel kind of vain posting all these pictures of myself but I have to keep remembering this is a really good record for where I am at and how far I have come. I know I will love looking at these pictures at the end of the year when I am down 30 pounds.

I have nothing inspiring to say.

because weight loss is unpredictable and frustrating and lonely and fucking hard.

I thought I had lost weight this week. I had a good week.

And I gained 1.4 pounds.

So today, I have nothing inspiring to say.

Nothing straight about it.

There is this misconception that weight loss can be a straight downwards line. I have never met anyone who lost weight that way. It's impossible to stay motivated every single day, unless you only have 5-10 pounds to lose. It's a messy process, with jagged edges and up and down days. 

This is my chart of my last (almost!) year with Weight Watchers. It hasn't always been consistent and it hasn't always gone down, but the overall trend is downward. What more can I ask for? In the past year I have kept off over 20 pounds. I'm proud of that. 

It's nice to look back and be able to know the points where I was losing consistently and where I gained. In the beginning I lost almost every week because I had a consistent schedule. I was in school Monday/Wednesday and did internship Tuesday/Thursday. Fridays I weighed in, went to meetings, hit the gym, and cleaned the apartment. (Also caught up on TV shows. ;) I first started to gain back some weight when I got this job. It was a huge adjustment for me. There was a point there where I didn't know if I could get back on track. I didn't care about any of it. But I did it.

Then we moved and I can see that as another place in my chart where my weight began to creep back on. The changes took a toll on my eating and for another few weeks I didn't care. But I always got back on track.

The important part for me is to never give up completely. I have vowed that I will reach my goal with Weight Watchers and I am not stopping until I do. It has taken longer than I thought it would, and I might not reach my official number until I've been doing it 5 years. But it doesn't matter. Last year I kept off 20 pounds. Maybe I'll keep off another 20 this year. Every year there is progress and I am learning so much along the way. That is what matters here.

March, Week 3

Last week sucked because of the work trip and the sickness and everything.

This week I was determined to get back on track and do better. 

And I did!

This week I lost 3.8 pounds. It's a little inflated because I gained 3 pounds last week, but I am glad to have gotten that amount off this week and more! 

I am currently at 5 pounds lost this year. My goal is 30, which I think is very achievable. 

As for my goals... I reached one. 

I didn't end up going to the gym on Friday because I was still sick and didn't want to get worse.

This week I have the same goals. 

1. Cook a new recipe

2. Go to the gym at least once

Goal 1 should be easy because I won a new cookbook from Weight Watchers! 

I am still nervous about this week. I am currently at the second lowest weight I have been in about 6 years. I have always had trouble when I got down this low and ended up gaining some back. I would really like to break through this barrier this week or next. I need to lose 1.6 to be at my official lowest weight in tons of years. It's my hope to lose that this week! 

Today I forgot my grandma was dead.

It was the strangest thing. I was leaving work, pulling out of the parking lot, and I was smiling at one of my residents crossing the parking lot with her walker. I thought to myself, This is a nice place and I am happy to work here. I bet my grandma would love living here with the community as friends. Wait, maybe my grandma could live here. I could visit her everyday and check up on her. It would be so great! Oh, wait.

And then unexpected tears came on that ride home from work because I miss my grandma and I don't feel that I had enough time with her. Time, it's frustrating in the way that it feels like forever when bad shit happens but so short when the good stuff is going on. And my grandma was some of the best stuff that's happened to me in the past few years.

I think about her a lot during this weight loss journey. She always encouraged me to keep going. I think often she saw something in me that I didn't always see myself--perseverance, stubbornness, and drive to get to my goal. When I get down on myself, I think of her. She was self-disciplined and strong in so many ways I haven't had to be yet. Yet, she always told me, "Don't be too strict on your diet. Everyone needs to cheat once and a while."

I can still see her smile and hear her say my name as if she is standing right here next to me. Her presence is strong and I'm thankful for that.

Progress.

It's been a good week so far, even though it's only Tuesday. And hey, I've already completed one of my goals! Last night Tim and I made orange chicken from the Weight Watchers recipe book that Bethany got me for Christmas.

I am a fan of getting my hands dirty. Which works out for both of us because Tim's not a fan of touching raw chicken.

And the end result...

Honestly, it wasn't good. It lacked a lot of flavor and I bought navel oranges to go on top which were kind of sour and gross. We both were not fans of the meal so we won't be making it again. But at least we tried something new. And for me I just enjoy the process of cooking with Tim. I don't really care how the meal turns out. It's more fun being in the kitchen with him, listening to music ('epic film scores' on songza, go listen!), and just spending time together.

So one goal is complete, which is starting my week off great. I think I will have the same food goal next week. It's always best to try new recipes and I have genuinely loved cooking lately, which is so unlike me. I still have my exercise goal about going to the gym once this week. I am planning to save it for Friday after work so I can give my body a chance to recover from this cold.

Hey, remember when I actually wrote in this blog?

Yeah. It's been a while and I've kind of been avoiding this space because it's been a tough year in this department. So far this year I have only maintained a weight loss of 1.2 pounds. My weight has been up and down almost every week, which is really discouraging. It's especially hard because I know it's my fault. I am addicted to food, and I have to consciously control myself hundreds of times a day. It's exhausting. Some weeks I just let the food win. Other weeks I try to stay in the fight.

 Recently we bought tickets to New Zealand. We have been dreaming about taking a trip there since we got married but I honestly never imagined it would happen. Or at least happen this soon. I am glad that Tim is up for an adventure and I am so excited for us to be there together, doing amazing things. However, I don't want to be limiting myself or Tim in any way on this trip. At the weight I am, I know I will not be able to do everything I wish to do. I want to zip line and hike and bungee jump (maybe!). I just want the option of doing everything my heart desires and I want Tim to come back from the trip feeling like he did everything he wanted to do as well.

 So New Zealand is my new motivation to get healthy and try harder. I hope to return to this space more often to analyze how I'm doing and what I can be doing better. I also hope to write down weekly goals for myself: one food goal and one exercise goal. My food goal this week is to have Tim and I cook a meal from my weight watchers recipe book and my exercise goal is to go to the gym at least once.

 And now a picture of New Zealand because, hello!

January, Week 3.

This blog post is a little late, but that's okay. I still want to make sure I document everything. These pictures are from Saturday. I weigh in every Saturday, no matter what. It's important to be held accountable, and I decided when I started WW, I would never miss a weigh in. I had one where I gained 4.4 pounds, but I took it and moved on. Awareness is so important throughout the journey.

Last week I lost 1 pound. I was hoping for more (the story of my life) because I had a really good eating week, but I have learned two important lessons through this journey.
1. Learn to be content with small but consistent weight loss.
2. Weight that comes off slower and more consistently will not jump back on. Before, I would have a big loss, then eat a burger, and gain it all back. I realized that as I lose weight slowly, it is easier to keep off. Plus, because it sometimes took me a month to lose a few pounds, I was less likely to want to mess it up.

Including last week I have now lost 3.4 out of my year goal of 30 pounds. Right on track!

I am feeling very optimistic so far this year. Tim is so supportive, which makes a huge difference. And here is something I never thought I would say: I am starting to really enjoy cooking. I am still not very creative in the kitchen, and we usually rotate between 6 different meals. But I was in the kitchen the other day and I had music playing and I was chopping sweet potatoes and I realized, I felt so relaxed. Even though I had worked all day, I found making dinner to be so therapeutic and stress free. It was great! Plus, I can see exactly what I am putting into my body and count the points so much easier, which is great.

Words to live by.

I always thought it was important to have a mantra. Something you can repeat to yourself when times get hard in the weight loss journey. Because, let's be real, weight loss is hard. It's one of the hardest things I have ever done. And sometimes it's lonely and frustrating and awful. Sometimes it makes you want to punch your friend in the face as they eat a burger, or curse under your breath while you munch that salad. It can make you a mean person. So I find comfort in the words that keep me going. It can be something small someone at a WW meeting said in passing that will stick with me throughout the week. Or it can be a motivational picture I found on pinterest. Anything that motivates and inspires you is a good thing. These are some of my favorites. Not all of them directly relate to food or weight loss, but I think this whole journey is weaving in and out of every part of my life. So for me, it connects.

^ I can say it a million times. Weight loss is hard. There is no easy route, as much as some people will tell you. Some days you just have to be the person that works harder and gets shit done. It won't happen unless you work at it consistently. 

^ Raise your hand if you've said, "Oh, I can't possibly work out today. My head hurts." Or, "That burger is only 1,305 calories, come on!" And I know I'm not the only one that's used, "I'm not a morning person." At some point, you have to be stronger than the excuses. It hurts and sometimes it sucks but if you want something, the work is required. And it's worth it! 

^ It happens. Know that at some point, you will want to give up. I have a bad habit of not being able to follow through with things. I get bored easily and suddenly it's easier to find another task to focus on. I have given up more times than I can count on weight loss and healthy eating. The only time I started seeing real results was when I fought through that restless period and decided I was through giving up.

These are my favorites. Another one that I have in my office says, "Most people give up because they look at how far they have to go rather than how far they have come." I have lost 17.8 pounds. That's a larger number than ever before. I know I still have 50+ pounds to go, which seems daunting, so I don't focus on it. I try to focus on where I have come from and keep going every day.

January, Week 2

I have tried what feels like every diet/exercise routine to lose weight. I always remember overeating and having a problem maintaining my weight. It wasn't until I started Weight Watchers that I saw changes happening. Not only changes with my weight, but changes in my confidence. The bottom line is that the program works if you work it. I worked the program for 6 solid months last year (alongside therapy every week.) I lost a total of about 26 pounds, and I thought, this is it. I'm finally going to get to my goal weight and everything will be fine. Then, both of us got new jobs and we moved. I always underestimate how much changes affect me. It didn't seem like that big of a deal at the time, but my weight loss suffered. Soon, I would lose a little one week, just to gain it back the next week. Some weeks I didn't even follow the plan at all. I was frustrated in myself, and I didn't realize why I was losing control. Pair that with it being the holidays and suddenly I was putting a lot of the weight I had lost back on. However, I told myself at the beginning of this that I would not give up anymore. As long as it takes me, I will get to my goal weight. Along the way I hope to pick up new habits and tricks. I have no idea what this blog will turn into, but I missed writing, and I thought this outlet would be great to keep track with pictures.

It's a new year, the holidays are over, and I am feeling optimistic. I made it out of last year still maintaining a loss of about 15 pounds. I am happy with it because I know without a doubt if I hadn't joined WW, I would have gained 15 pounds or more. This year my goal is to lose 30 pounds. I thought about it a lot and feel that is a reasonable goal for myself.

This week my loss was 2.4. This is not an average weight loss, I feel it was a little inflated because I gained back weight last week (due to not counting my points in Portland.) This brings my total weight loss to 17.8.

I plan to take pictures every week to keep track of the changes. I only took pictures in the very beginning of my journey last year and I wish I had taken pictures along the way. Pictures (usually) don't lie. It will be good for me to have a visual of my journey.

Oh, the name of the blog. The name of this blog relates to a point our pastor brought up between the difference in happiness and joy. Happiness is often temporary and depends on circumstances. Joy is a mindset, a state of being, that doesn't change with circumstance or hardship. My middle name is Joy, yet I don't know that I have ever been a joyful person. A lot of my negativity in life has come from my weight and my lack of control over food. So I'm using WW, this blog, and therapy to try and learn to be a joyful person. It's less about weight loss and more about taking control of my life. I believe once I unravel what has made me so unhappy through the years, the weight will come off, and I will feel joy.